The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga
by bigdogneversleeps
Summary: We cover the tales of Neji Hyuga after his life was over. With his new friends in Itachi Uchiha, Mama Senju, and even Anko, we see him live in the post-war Konoha and try to help the romantic life of his sensei Gai and deal with the craziness of the world at large. Diary format.
1. I'm dead That's nice

I first wrote this up after Neji's death in the manga, but I put it on the back burner with other projects. I found it the other day and decided to revive it. This will not get in the way with my other stories, or my upcoming Across the Kishiverse (name pending) I have hinted at. This was most definitely inspired by The Kazekage of Suna's classic, Signed: From Your Not So Loyal Author. Enjoy!

…..

October 26th-

Death tastes like burnt flesh. It really isn't important to this, but just an observation I felt needed expressed. I just found it odd, since I died from a giant wooden spike through the chest

My name is Neji Hyuga, and I am a ghost. Somehow, I have been given the chance to recount my experience in the spirit realm. Though I do wonder why there is a ghost pen and paper available for me to use, I will not complain. It will be good to get my thoughts straight. Especially because of my new... friends

Right now, there are only three people I can interact with. Well, two people and a dog. Alright, a woman, a ghost, and a dog.

The first is Itachi Uchiha, my fellow ghost and former enemy who was actually a good person.. He has decided that I will be his afterlife buddy and follows me all the time. I think death and redeath knocked a few screws lose. He calls me Neji-kun

The second is Anko Mitarashi. She is alive and annoying. More annoying than Lee, stunningly. The first time she saw me, she threw a kunai at me. The second time, when I was with Itachi, she summoned a snake after us. I wish I didn't have to follow her around, but she is the only connection to the human world we have.

The final one is Akamaru, Kiba's dog. And before you ask, he is terrified shitless whenever Itachi or I are around. He is still useless as a liaison.

I'm happy everything is good and we are at peace, but why am I not? Am I doomed to forever be friends with a deranged Itachi Uchiha and hunted by Anko? Surely Kami has a plan for me. Surely he does.

Right?

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	2. Neko Lee and Terrifying Tenten

October 27th-

I have discovered two facts about my former teammates that I wish I had never learned.

The first is about Rock Lee. Despite the fact we were on the same team, we rarely to each other's residences. In fact, outside of the day he moved into his new apartment near Guy-sensei, I had never been to his place in the two years he lived there. And I wished it had stayed that way.

He likes cats.

Alot.

Besides his training posters, he has cat posters. His primary blanket is that of an adorable kitten. On his refrigerator, he had magnets of cats. His toaster was shaped like a cat's head. And that is before we get to the real cats he had

14 cats. I counted. I think I found the village's future crazy cat lady. Except it is a man.

I'm shuttering to think of Lee in a dress.

The other is about Tenten. She has been visibly distraught about my death. I understand, as we were close friends. In fact, she was my best friend. And I was her best friend. Or so I had thought. Itachi calls it stalking, and admits to stalking his brother from time to time, but I call it keeping an eye on my important people. So as I was keeping an eye on her today, I saw the moment she decided to get over my death. It was touching, honestly. I nearly cried ghost tears.

But then she pulled out two giant albums and looked through them. They were ALL pictures of me. Sleeping. Bathing. Eating.

She was obsessed with me. She was stalking me. Wait, does this mean she had a crush on me? Wow, I might be as dense as Naruto.

Itachi is laughing now. I said that all out loud, and he is laughing at the idea of me being dense.

Anyways, Tenten took all the disturbing pictures in a pile in her backyard and used a small katon jutsu she knew on them. Looks like she decided to move on from me. That's good, I guess. Until I hear her say that Kiba Inuzuka is cute. Uh-oh

Signed

The Great 'worried for Kiba' Ghost Neji Hyuga


	3. Like my mixtape, stuff on fire

October 29th

I followed Itachi today, to haunt Sasuke. He was with Kiba and Naruto, which meant Akamaru was there as well. So of course, he began to freak out. I tried to calm him down, but Itachi was determined to make it worse. I stand by what I said, he lost his sanity along with the ability to breathe. He began summoning Ghost Amaterasu and using it to attack Akamaru. It doesn't hurt him, but it does stick to him for 7 days.

Itachi is kind of an asshole.

Then Kiba managed to find out why Akamaru was freaking out (ghosts), which only scared Naruto. The fact this boy, who could probably stare down Kami, was terrified of things that can't do anything worries me for Konoha's future.

So both Akamaru and Naruto were on edge for the rest of the day, which was boring.

Besides the time I blew behind Naruto's ear, and he "thought he heard something." I thought about reading some of Jiraiya's porn to him, but it isn't in ghost form.

I was truly disturbed when Itachi hugged Sasuke and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek. But the Uchiha's cringe was hilarious.

Or the time Anko busted in and tried to exterminate us with explosions. So many explosions. It didn't do anything, so her reaction was kind of hilarious.

I guess it wasn't that boring, now was it?

Signed

The Not Bored Ghost Neji Hyuga


	4. Kami Curses Uzumaki! And tits

I want to give a special shout out to Chewie Cookies and Falainakorna, who have commented on every chapter and Keeper of the Worlds for commenting last chapter. Thanks to those of you you have favorited and alerted this story, and I hope more of you do so in the future. Enjoy!

...

October 31st,

I am going to continue haunting Uzumaki for the rest of the week, that idiot. Thank Kami it is Halloween, I have a spectacular prank for him ready when he returns home

Let me explain.

I was watching over my cousins to ensure their safey, when Hinata went out of her way to go to the box office to pick up evening tickets to see a popular film. I was confused about this, since if she wanted to see the movie, why not do it then?

Then she went over to the ramen stand Naruto Uzumaki with Hanabi. Then, she had Hanabi tell Naruto that she was just given some tickets to a film that she wasn't interested in and this was to thank him for saving the world. At that time, Hinata came into view and asked about the situation and commenting she wanted to go see that film.

You would think the idiot would take the hint and ask her if she wanted to come with.

But no, the idiot turns around and asked Sakura, who was eating with him, if she wanted to go with him! She won brownie points for turning him down, so I am making sure Itachi won't haunt her. I think he is worried about her bearing the future of the Uchiha clan. Or he has the hots for her. Crazy sucks.

Then Naruto thought to ask Hinata to the movies, which she happily agreed too. That is why I am only going to haunt him for a week. But when he returns tonight from escorting Hinata home, I will make his life a living hell

On other news, Anko showed Itachi her breasts to him suddenly to try and get a reaction. I think it worked, since Itachi ran like Lee does for free curry. I must admit I did admire her boobs for a moment before I turned around. I am a man.

I have no idea what she wants to do now, since we can't be killed by her antics. Maybe she is trying to seduce Itachi?

Can you seduce a ghost? I shutter to think about it, but I hope Tenten never gains the ability to see me. I don't think I would survive it.

Signed

Haunting the Blonde Idiot Ghost Neji Hyuga


	5. The Haunting Shippuden

Thanks for those of you who are reviewing, and I hope to see more than Chewie, Keeper, and Falaina review. Sorry this has taken a bit but I have been focused on writing my next two chapters of Mr. Beetle and Ms Viper and The Hat Hangs Heavy, both of which are harder than expected but should be done in the next few days. Anyway, here is the next diary entry!

...

November 3rd-

Sorry about not writing in this diary sooner. I have been haunting Uzumaki for the last three days and I have been too pleased with my work to think about much else.

When he got back home, I managed to arrange all his cup ramen to say "ghost" on his floor. He nearly pissed himself, which was satisfying. And when I managed to make one of the cup move? Glorious! He squealed. I made the great hero of Konoha squeal like a little girl. No, I'm not mad he is ignorant to my cousin.

Sidebar, I am beginning to gain power as a ghost. I can't move heavy stuff, but cup ramen isn't heavy.

Then I locked the door and scared him into his room for the night. This is when I got creative.

I managed to get some old take-out menus that were stuffed into his mailbox out of his junk pile and began using those to haunt him.

Now he thinks he has a hungry ghost haunting him, and assumes that if he isn't fed then he will be eaten.

I'm not going to tell him otherwise.

Bonus, he actually invited Hinata over to eat the food that he ordered to appease me but never explained why he ordered it in the first place. Downside was he also invited Shino and Kiba as well. I had to hide to make sure Akamaru didn't blow my cover. I am fairly certain Hinata would not like me haunting this idiot.

I have also been moving his toothbrush and leaving doors ajar in the middle of the night that he doublechecked to be closed.

I'm giving him a break tonight. I have to see what Itachi is up to, the crazy Bastard

Signed

A Satisfied Ghost Neji Hyuga


	6. FIC (Feline Identity Crisis)

November 4th-

I am a fool.

I am a fool because I actually thought checking up on Itachi Uchiha was a good idea.

As of this moment, I believe he is mocking his brother. At least, I hope so.

Apparently, one of Lee's cats is able to see us and Itachi used that to his advantage. Skillfully with ghost razor wire (because apparently we have almost everything in ghost form), he lured the cat, a sleek grey one, out of Lee's apartment and to the building Sasuke was staying in. He did this in the middle of the night, so he was able to use the cat's natural agility to sneak into Sasuke's bedroom in the compound. The cat went to sleep in the room and Sasuke was stunned to see him in the morning.

Apparently Sasuke is a cat person, since he immediately began to take care of the feline with expert care. Itachi revealed to me that the Uchiha clan has a long history of having cats as pets, back to the Warring Clan Period. Eventually, he named the cat Itachi in honor of his brother and began to treat it as his own.

This all happened when I was haunting Naruto, but this happened today. Today, Lee discovered the whereabouts of his cat, originally named Rock Lee the 3rd, and confronted Sasuke about it. Sasuke denied that the cat was Lee's and said it was a stray that chose him. Things began to escalate, until a spar over the cat was decided upon. Fortunately, Lady Tsunade interfered so that Sasuke would not do anything harmful to Lee or Lee would do anything harmful to his body or Sasuke. But then came the oddest part.

Cat Court.

They testified to Lady Tsunade, who presided as judge, over who should get the cat.

Lee revealed the number of cats he had, and Tsunade immediately grew worried for the well-being, actually visiting his place to ensure their safety. Lee had an immaculate set-up for his cats, from the feeding and watering system to the litter boxes to the cat activities center. As Sasuke had no permanent residence at the moment and none of these things, Lee was rewarded the cat while Sasuke received visitation rights.

This all happened.

Signed

The slightly perturbed Ghost Neji Hyuga


	7. Boring but Significant

November 5th-

Upon the Cat Court debacle yesterday, I made a visit back to Naruto's residence to ensure he remained scared. The simple act of having an empty cup of ramen jump out of his trash can was a sufficient tool of scaring him.

Satisfied he was receiving his just desserts, I decided to check upon my family at the Hyuga compound. It was awkward as I floated over the estate, but I found out a few… interesting things.

Firstly, I had two secret admirers within the Branch family. I should not be surprised, as I was the model Hyuga and an expert in Gentle Fist, but seeing two woman fight over my things for memorabilia was disturbing. It was like the Tenten incident all over again. But that is Kiba's problem for now.

My younger cousin, Hanabi, is rather annoyed at her father. However, she is being a bit pretentious since she has been coddled by him for years now as the favorite child. As Uncle was proud of Hinata's accomplishments and importance on the field of battle, his favoritism has shifted a few degrees. This has irritated the girl, and is now threatening to cancel his midnight dango orders. I wish I had popcorn, because this is some good drama, as Hiashi loves dango like Hinata loves Naruto.

Speaking of Hinata, she is with her team. I was spotted once by Akamaru, but fortunately he did not freak out like before. And I learned a very important fact because of this. Akamaru informed Kiba who informed the group that the ghosts he saw had no faces which was why they are so terrifying. So, even if another saner individual saw me, they would not know it is me?

This will be useful. Very useful if the density of Naruto Uzumaki perseveres.

Meanwhile, I think I will check on Gai tomorrow. I hope he is doing well.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	8. Where Everything Happens as Expectected

November 6th-

So, after checking up on my family I have decided to check up on my sensei. As he was recently released from the hospital, it took a short while to find him in the village. He was not home, he was not at his dojo, and he was not at his favorite restaurant. I cursed the fact that my Byakugan proved most ineffective in my quest to find him either.

So, I began to wander the village in search of him. I found Chouji, who was having a pleasant conversation with one of the Kumo nin that was in our village. Apparently it was for carrying a message to Naruto, but she couldn't find him. Last I checked, he was disassembling his remote since it said in ninja morse that he looked like a kitty. It was a weak last hurrah to my week of haunting him, but my desire waned as well.

I also found Shizune, who was chasing after her pig Tonton. One of the Akimichi, a chunin named Chiyoko, said Tonton would probably be best roasted for filets and she started running. Watching the pig run reminded me of Tora. Note, see if I can haunt Tora, that demon cat from hell.

I had given up on finding Gai in the village for the day and was going to see what hell Tenten was bringing upon Kiba when I noticed a familiar set of eyebrows. However, the hair was all wrong. It was not his signature bowlcut, but groomed to be normal. Still not good, but less repulsive. He was also wearing a normal suit and not his green leotard. The reason for this was clear, as next to him was a fair looking woman around his age dressed up. I knew her as a nurse, and came to the shocking conclusion that Gai had gotten a date. He had managed to woo this woman while in the hospital and was taking her on the town while he was in the hospital. I decided to follow him, and have written this entry while they were waiting on their food. Nothing seems to be happening as there are simply engaging in small talk.

Wait.

Gai, for the love of god, don't.

No.

Kami crapbaskets.

Don't do that with a fork.

Not Lee.

Not the beach scene.

Definitely not Lee and sake.

...

Well, this is a total shitstorm. 9 minutes. It took 9 minutes for this to go up in flames. And here is Itachi, laughing like he was dying yet again. Of course.

For sensei's sake, it is best you don't know.

Signed

The Empathetic Ghost Neji Hyuga


	9. And where things are whonky

November 7th-

She forgave him! She forgave Gai! This is beyon logic.

She was impressed by the muscles! And that flexing! The fork thing didn't dissuade her! The sunset beach was beautiful! She understood Lee's problem! She thought it was cute how Ago was a father to him!

She has to be really desperate. She was afraid to be single, Gai is a hero, that has to be it. Gai is not meant for physical attraction by a sane female.

There is another date set for the 10th. I will update then, hopefully with a logical conclusion.

The news of this seems to be affecting Kakashi Hatake. He seems off. He isn't reading his porn, and he seems to be making passes at Shizune and Tsume Inuzuka. I don't want to see how that turns out.

Meanwhile, Itachi is now messing with the elders of the village. He is haunting them by moving their dentures, wrinke cream, glasses, and pills seven inches to the left or, if that isn't possible, 5 inches up from where they were. They haven't noticed yet, but Itachi is in it for the long con.

Also, Tenten seems to have decided Kiba was just a phase. It appears she has a thing for Hyuga's, however. I saw her at the compound and she was chatting to one of the guards, a branch member I vaguely know who is a few years older than her. She was being flirtatious, and showed cleavage. She was never this up front with me. And, considering how the guard was handling it, that is probably a good thing. I wouldn't look good blushing.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	10. Meet a Mama

Lucky for you, you get to chapters back to back. Short and sweet.

...

November 8th-

Konoha now has three ghosts, as I have met the third one today. I happened to pass by the Hokage tower, when a distinct looking female was floating three inches off of the roof next to the window by the Hokage's office. I decided to investigate.

My first thought was that Tsunade had died. But with her bright red hair, lack of diamonds, and average sized breasts it was obvious she was not Tsunade. She noticed me, and introduced herself.

Turns out, I was introduced to "Mama" Senju, the mother of Tsunade and daughter of the first Hokage. She seemed nice enough, and was simply concerned for her daughter.

She was also a very bad guesser. Incredibly bad.

She liked to guess about what would happen next in the room, and challenge me for predictions. And, almost without fail, she was totally wrong. If she guessed mundane, something big happened. Something big happened, it was mundane. Specific event, specific event happened with one key different detail. It was like she was cursed.

I think I know where the Godiame got her awful luck at gambling from.

Signed

The Lucky Ghost Neji Hyuga


	11. Non dates and bad dates

November 10th-

To let us begin, Hinata ate lunch with Naruto Uzumaki at his favorite ramen stand. Nothing of interest happened, and this annoyed me more than it should.

You blonde dense ramen-eating black hole, she confessed her love to you. Why aren't you doing anything!

And on second note, the second date between Gai and the nurse happened.

Luckily, it was not a giant debacle like last time. It was actually boring. They saw a movie, she wheeled him to get some ice cream, boring date stuff. Yes, Gai was loud during the movie to everyone's chagrin. Yeah, he had some stupid novelty flavor that, when the nurse tasted it, she nearly hurled. But it was a sane date.

It was also the least chemistry two human beings have ever had on the planet. Dear god, they should not even be acquaintances. They have almost nothing in common, they have had different lives and different view points on most things. But there is just enough mutual ground to prevent them of being total opposites, which would be interesting at least. But sensei is so stubborn, and this woman must be so desperate, that this will probably end up in marriage at this rate.

I can't believe I am about to say this, but I have to intervene. For their own sake.

Signed

"What am I getting into" Ghost Neji Hyuga


	12. Suuuuperslam!

Someone asked me where Itachi, Anko, and Sasuke were. Here is your answer.

Also, thank you to my fans and reviewers. You are all awesome!

Let us get to Neji's diary entry, now shall we?

…..

November 11th-

Today was quite odd, even for me.

Gai and his nurse were not in much contact, so I left them be to formulate a plot in order to disrupt this disaster of a relationship before it detonates in their faces.

During my plotting, I was kidnapped by Itachi Uchiha who said he needed my help. I was taken to his brother's living quarters, where I also found Mama Senju. She had been kidnapped by Itachi as well.

We asked him what the issue was, but he told us to check for ourselves. To my surprise, I floated into Anko Mitarashi doing her best to seduce Sasuke Uchiha. The not-so-tastefully worn literal snake garb slithered around her body, hinting and teasing him about what is beneath. I must admit I was a little jealous.

Mama Senju shrugged her shoulders to it, so Itachi explained. Anko had figured out that he, or at least the ghost she could see, was worried about Sasuke so that she was doing this for the express purpose of annoying him. Specifically because she couldn't kill him. It frustrated him.

Then she told him that he should strip naked and thrust his ghost junk into Anko's face to disturb her. She said it jokingly, but Itachi took it seriously. We were able to persuade him otherwise.

Then we figured out the perfect Ankonite.

Sakura Haruno.

We lured her to him with a subtle manipulation of the wind to highlight his potrait in her medical office, and she was off to see him. When she arrived, she saw Anko and then she saw red.

What came next could only be described as a cat fight. Mama Senju confirmed that it was the greatest catfight in the history of Konoha, since she has literally been there for them all. Being a ghost had its perk.

Anko ended up naked and bruised, Sakura ended up half-naked and bitten, and Sasuke was fully clothed and bleeding. From his nose.

Itachi and Mama cheered them on the entire way.

What is my life?

Signed,

The Disturbed Ghost Neji Hyuga


	13. Neji does something rather dumb

November 13th-

Tomorrow is the next date between Gai and his nurse date. They are going to have a picnic in one of the parks around noon. I already have a few plans on how to ensure the failure of this encounter. For their sake's, I hope it works.

Meanwhile, I have been put on Itachi duty by Mama Senju. She suspects he will try to do something stupid soon, since Sasuke plans to leave from the village and resume sanctioned traveling around the nations. Part of it is that is all he knows, and part of it is that he suspects the idea of Akatsuki and what it stands for will not die that easily.

Fortunately, he has been docile. I caught him playing with Lee's cats at his place, including the one Sasuke co-owns. Apparently, his ghost Amaterasu heat can be felt by cats, and him sending one off in any place makes it a congregation for cats, one that last for 7 days. Upon asking if it is damaging his eyes, Itachi confirmed it was not. He could spam it all day, but not other techniques. This led to the question if ghosts could spar, since I knew we could touch each other.

As it turns out, ghosts can spar. And even though we can not die, we can hurt.

Hurt very badly.

I will probably be limping tomorrow, and for the next few days.

Does anyone know a ghost masseuse?

Signed

The Greatly Sore Ghost Neji Hyuga


	14. Duy, Gai, and a Ghost

Thanks for all the reviewers, though I hope more readers will follow and favorite. Enjoy this later chapter!

* * *

November 14th-

I failed.

I blame Itachi. If he hadn't gone out of his way in our spar yesterday to hurt me, the plan would have gone off without a hitch, and Gai would have a chance at being happy.

But now that can't happen.

First off, I managed to lure one of Lee's cats into position. This one is named Duy, in honor of Gai's father. I thought the symbolism was a nice touch.

Then, I caused a few small hiccups. Spilled a few cups of water, Made Gai take a nasty bump in his wheelchair. Wilted the fresh fruit just a bit. All signs they were supposed to take, and all ignored.

Then, I tried to get Duy to ruin the meal by running through it. However, because of my limp, he landed in the nurse's lap. Guy was able to tell her it was his student's cat, and they were able to bond a bit over him. They fed him sushi!

Then, when Lee found Duy, he managed to make Guy sound more awesome. And despite my attempts to will it to happen, I can not force sake to appear in Lee's mouth so he would ruin things.

I'm beginning to sound spiteful. But I do mean the best for sensei.

And I won't even start on Tenten. His name is Hidashi Hyuga, in a few weeks he will be 21, a chunin lifer like the Izumo/ Kotetsu duo, and was on a date with her at the same park.

I pray for him. But at least I haven't seen any cameras.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	15. Damn it Lee

November 16th-

I began the day following Lee, which was an exercise in predictability. He did the same exercises that he had been doing for years, even if the numbers were different (usually slightly higher.) Then he went to Kazaniru's, his favorite curry place in Konoha to have their "Green Beast Special." It looked like death on rice, so I refuse to speculate what it is made of. After polishing off two bowls of this concotion, Lee visited Gai.

Lee then began speaking to Gai about his date, and began to ask questions about the nurse. Simple questions about her that Gai was stumped on. It was then that Lee had one of his best moments, when he thought that perhaps Gai and the nurse were not meant to be! He said what I have been saying all along, and that Gai and her does not have chemistry!

But then Gai said he just needed to work at it, reminded him of what I had told him about Sakura (they don't have chemistry either.) Lee totally forgot all common sense and immediately started supporting Gai's romantic quest.

Idiot.

Speaking of idiots, I went and spied in on a clan meeting with Hiashi and the elders. They were worried about income flows into the clan, and were complaining about the cost of coffins for all the Hyuga who lost their lives in the war, such as myself. Well then, why weren't you on the battlefield you lazy ancient penny pinchers! One of them even said we should have been buried in cardboard to save money.

Hiashi called him a cheap bastard, and suggested we bury him in a cardboard box. That shut him the hell up.

And then there was talk of adding money to the budget by adding to the cut the families had to put into the clan finances from missions. Which sounds nice, but the branch family is over twice as large as the branch and have a higher percentage of active shinobi. It was a burden for the branch family for the benefit of the main family.

I really can't wait until Hinata takes over and calls them out on their idiotness.

Finally, I ended the day keeping an eye on Anko. Well, we were keeping an eye on each other. We didn't get much done for the rest of the day. I think she is planning something. I don't want to see what.

Signed

The Great Worried Ghost Neji Hyuga


	16. Brain Bleach Needed

So, I reread Chapter 699 to get a good feel about when exactly Sasuke left, and I realized I had to wait it out a bit longer than I originally intended. I don't like my fics to contradict canon unless necessary for the story, so I need to give some time for Kakashi to become the 6th Hokage for that to happen. So hurrah, more Sasuke stories!

* * *

November 17th -

I really don't know what to say about what happened today.

It was a total accident. I was looking for Mama Senju in the Hokage tower, when I heard a strange noise. A very strange noise that I was concerned with. So I went to check it out.

I shouldn't have checked it out.

Remember what I said about Kakashi getting weird because of Gai's... nurse dates? He got less weird and more carnal.

I'm just saying, Shizune is probably going to end up continuing being the Hokage's assistant if Kakashi takes the seat.

I tried to get Itachi to brain bleach me with his genjutsu, but he was too busy playing with Itachi the cat (aka Rock Lee the 3rd) and Sasuke who was also playing with Itachi (the cat.) I also learned that Sasuke will be staying for a few more months, as he is waiting on Tsunade to finish creating a new arm from Senju DNA for both him and Naruto. That is sure to pacify Itachi (the ghost) for a while.

I believe Shino is also growing aware of my existence. His kikaichu are thousands of beetles, it is only logical that a few of them would be capable to seeing me and reporting me to him. I say this since when I was checking on Hinata, he seemed to follow my presence.

I really hope this doesn't make things more difficult for me.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	17. Snakey Snake

November 19th-

Anko is messing with me at this point. And I know she is targeting me specifically. I can tell.

How can I tell? Because when it is Itachi she sees, she gets flirty. But when she sees me, she is more plain crazy. Big difference.

Thankfully, she doesn't know it is me or else her attacks would be far more focused. But random things began occuring around me that have no explanation.

Like the sticks used with dango randomly marking where I am.

Or the random explosions that are ignored since it is Anko.

Or the fact that she is supporting Gai's relationship, and is giving tips to Tenten about what to do with Hidashi. Tips for things that are not proper to speak about.

Tips she may or may not have learned from Kakashi. Note, I still need that brain bleach.

And then she randomly uses hand sign code to tell me random things. Sometimes they are vicious, sometimes they are funny, but mostly they are incoherent. So why do I think she is doing this? Well, for one she doesn't like ghosts.

And I thought that was all until an hour ago, when a face I was FAR from pleased about seeing was around the tower.

Orochimaru.

I get (from conversations I have overheard) that this Orochimaru isn't the same Orochimaru and the original Orochimaru is dead and all that, but why is he in the village?

I think that is why Anko is acting up, but it doesn't excuse her being so bothersome.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	18. Despite everything, I'm alright

It has been a month in Neji time, and a month and a half in real time! And for those of you wondering, I do plan on overlapping the dates at some point in the far future.

* * *

November 22nd-

Tenten has been staying around the Hyuga compound the last few days an awful lot. Between spending time with Hinata and Hidashi, she has found many excuses to stay around. I believe she is trying to impress Hiashi-sama, which means she wants to be able to become Hidashi's girlfriend without issue since she is an outsider. I guess good luck to her.

Mama Senju is now haunting someone in particular. I don't know who they are, but they are a civilian who said something things about her daughter, Tsunade, behind her back. But Mama heard, and Mama is gonna get her vengeance. She is far stronger than us, and is able to appear in front of people at will, and move heavy objects. The confusion when his bed had been moved away from the wall while he was in it made her squeal in glee. I already knew not to piss her off, this is just for extra credit.

As for me, I have been keeping an eye on Orochimaru, making sure he doesn't do anything evil. He hasn't, but Anko and I are keeping an eye on him. He knows we are watching (and I mean we. He looked right at me when we were alone in a room and chuckled at my presence.)

But personally, I have been doing well. I don't really talk about myself much in this, because I don't really have much to say. I live through everyone else since I don't live anymore. But I am really enjoying myself.

Though I do need to save Gai. And maybe Hidashi. I still don't trust Tenten anymore.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	19. Spying on Friend's families

November 23rd-

Itachi has gotten a new hobby after the Anko-Sasuke event. He has been following Sakura Haruno around, since he believes she is the likely wife of his brother in the near future. But he has expressed his boredom of following her in the hospital, so he has enlisted me for one of his schemes.

Meeting her parents, ore ore precisely stalking the parents.

So he dragged me into learning more about them, and since he can kick my ethereal ass, I agreed. He knocked first, before realizing they couldn't hear it. I'm certain he lost a bit of his mind.

To no surprise, it was boring. They kissed a few times, were in sync while cleaning the house, and talked about what they were thinking about doing in the immediate future.

It is odd to say this, bit I envy them. That boring bliss will never be mine. Don't tell Itachi, but I think he knows this too and is trying to live through Sasuke.

We learned nothing, and the rest of the day was spent talking with Itachi about nothing.I never thought it, but I actually think Itachi is actually a cool guy.

You just wouldn't know it between the brother complex, massacring his family for a good cause, and seeming like he was unemotional.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	20. Happy 39th 39th birthday

November 25th-

Today was Mama Senju's birthday, so we had to celebrate it with her. I didn't know beforehand, so it was essentially her dragging me and Itachi from the spots we were resting and telling us to treat her like a queen.

Sidenote, having no designated room and being able to rest any spot we wish would make us the envy of many Nara.

So first off, we went drinking. I was confused by this too, until I was told about ghost beer. Itachi was aware of it, but he hadn't clued me in. Essentially, some beer that isn't drunken becomes ghost beer in ghost barrels and we can open it up and drink them.

I also learned about where Tsunade gets her legendary thirst for alcohol from. While he don't really get drunk, I was fine with a few glasses, while Itachi had more than a few.

Mama Senju had 37.

After that, we played ghost blackjack. It isn't real blackjack with cards, but finding a game of people playing blackjack and guessing who wins the hand.

Unexpectedly, Itachi dominated us. He had learned to count cards during his missing-nin days, and used it to great effect. But expectedly, Mama Senju had the worst luck at it.

Next up... Next up... well.

She wanted strippers.

I reluctantly offered to follow her to one of the bars in Konoha to try and fulfill her request, but she didn't want that.

Itachi tried to escape, but Mama had a few tricks up her sleeve and superior ghost abilities and kept him in the area.

So then... she got what she wanted.

Signed

The Greatly Exposed Neji Hyuga


	21. Neji Got Some Brain Bleach

November 26th-

I read yesterday's entry and I have to say, I am confused.

I remember it being Mama Senju's birthday, and I remember us drinking, and I think I can remember the ghost blackjack.

But the stripping? What stripping?

I seemed to have written that I was a stripper but that seems impossible.

...I must assume Itachi stole my book and tacked it on to the ending. I will tell him the next time I see him that it was not funny.

Anyway, today was another date between Gai and his nurse, and today was yet again another failure on my part.

I didn't have anything planned, so I just tried to haunt their date in general and try to create a feeling of unease they would connect with the other.

It failed miserably, as they didn't notice. They were too busy trying to be interested in one another (Gai thought medical ninjutsu was 'fascinating' and she was 'entranced' in his discussion of his previous morning routine.')

And then she used it. The 'b' word.

Boyfriend.

She called him her boyfriend. Gai went red in a blush, and accepted the idea. Fortunately, he did not call the nurse his girlfriend.

I must save my sensei. And there is only one way I can imagine this working.

I have to get Anko Mitarashi onto my plans. This will not end well for anybody, but that actually might be for the best.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	22. Stroll of Death

November 27th-

Anko Mitarashi is out on a mission in the time being, so I can not recruit her into my plans to save Gai-sensei. From what I got from Mama Senju, who was giving me a weird eye, she shouldn't be back until the 1st. So I will have to wait on that matter.

So, I decided to give myself the day, free of any watching of any people. I decided to tour the Forest of Death, because it always intrigued me after my Chunin Exam.

Going in, I got to see the Forest operate without human presence and it was a remarkable experience. The Forest was, if anything, more fierce then when we entered for the exam. Without humans, the animals were free to hunt prey and live naturally. In its own way, it was a beautiful example of the cycle of life.

While there, I met to my surprise another pair of ghosts, increasing the tally to 5 ghostly individuals to my knowledge. They didn't give me their names, but they were both foreign shinobi who had died during the Chunin Exams of the past. The female had died almost 20 years ago, while the guy had passed away during my exams.

We talked, and I was surprised to see that this duo was actually together in a relationship. Despite their technical age differences, they had found love after life. It seems...nice. Alot better than what Tenten or Gai have right now.

The guy asked whatever became of Gaara, the shinobi who killed him. It was quite the shock to him when I informed him that he had become a hero and the Kazekage. I don't think he took it well, but what else can one suspect when you hear that sort of news?

I also asked why they stayed in the forest, and they told me they really didn't fit in with Konoha and liked the peace they could find in the forest. I asked them why they didn't go home, but the girl had told me she had once, but it didn't feel right while the boy had found his girl in the forest.

I spent the day with them, living a day in their life before making my leave. It was a good day.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	23. He's On The Run

November 30th-

I would like to apologize for my absence, but I can defend myself. You see, I'm being hunted. And I can give you three guesses about who it is.

Wait, one would most likely guess Anko, and it isn't her.

It's Shino and his kikaichu.

He is on to the fact how I often watch over Hinata and my friends in general. And I think he doesn't like it. He was always a private person, so I guess a mysterious ghost figure haunting his friends would draw his ire.

I had decided to keep my exact presence a secret to my former friends, since I wanted them to move on from me and look to the future. While it appears ghosts may linger for decades, I have my life and they have there's.

Maybe I should stop focusing on them, but... I'm not ready to do that.

So I hide, hide from Shino and his beetles that haunt me and try to determine who I am. They even know enough to ignore Itachi and Mama Senju and only follow me.

I had to create a diversion and begin haunting individuals that I have little interest in. Sorry Kotetsu, sorry Izumo. It isn't anything personal, but it is a task I must undertake.

I still have relative freedom at the compound and at my teammates houses, but if the Abrurame were to peace that together I fear my identity will be out.

I am writing this again in the outskirts of the Forest of Death, a place I had not intended to visit for some time.

This may be the first time this has been said in the history of Konoha, but I hope Anko gets here soon. I need her help.

… Oh Kami.

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	24. Anko is Back in Action

December 1st-

I started the day off still hiding from Shino and his beetles. I decided to use my abilities to haunt the Hokage, to see what she does.

She started off the day doing paperwork and drank some sake. Then she had a meeting with some elders and drank some sake. She talked with a few of my fellow shinobi and gave some advice to a medic nin who was seeking advice. She did some more paperwork, and drank some sake. She spoke with Naruto, had an official meeting with Shikamaru as Nara clan head, argued with a few civilian business leaders and drank some sake.

As you can see, the Hokage had a very specific method of handling stress.

Finally Anko arrived and gave the report on her mission. She knew I was there, but didn't react. In fact, she didn't react as I very obviously followed her home. She was even kind enough to invite me into her apartment.

Then she told me very clearly that despite what she had done to my friend, she was not spirit-sexual.

It took me a few minutes to recover from that one.

She can't hear us speak, so I hobbled together some ninja sign and scribbled a few clarifiers on the back of old journal pages (ghost writing is very hard to read) but she got the message. I wanted to break up Gai and the nurse.

After having to clarify that I would never ask her to date Gai in the nurse's place, she decided to accept my plan. So she began to spitball a few ideas about what to do. I had to nix any plans of physically harming the nurse, but after an hour we got an idea we can agree on.

Operation: Find the Nurse a Real Boyfriend is a go!

Signed

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	25. The Biggest are his brows

December 3rd-

The nurse is named Suzuki Megano. I just realized I didn't know her name, so I had to find that out for Anko's sake.

I actually had to find out more about her in general to help Anko out. I followed her throughout her day and during her date with Gai.

She is a very hardworking nurse, and is quite skilled at her jobs. She is friends with Shizune (who is still apparently with Kakashi. I heard things when they chatted. They weren't pleasant for me.)

In an odd twist, she has a pet tortoise named Hirzuen, after the late Sandaime. I don't think Gai knows this, but it would only make their relationship deeper in a shallow way.

On her off time, she is actually quite lazy and prefers quiet reading to anything else. She likes sweets and hates most spicy stuff. She is quite boring and needs a lover that can flow with her more gentle lifestyle.

Their date was cringeworthy to watch. Their conversations were start-stop, they had to obviously recall they were supposed to be more intimate in their body language, they couldn't carry most topics, and neither have the glimmer in the eye of someone in love. Or obsession. I don't know how to properly classify Hinata's feelings for Naruto.

I have my information, and it is time to take it to Anko Mitarashi. Translating it will be hell, but if it can help my sensei from making the second worst decision of his life, I'll do it.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	26. Ghostface Clan Killer

December 4th-

Suzuki Megano should be worried, because Anko Mitarashi is on the case. Today, she is searching all of the shinobi she knows to find the perfect match for Ms. Megano. After hearing the screams and watching the runners from her snakes, I know it might take more than a day.

As such, I decided to do some watching of my friends and teammates. My first task was to ensure Shino Abrurame was not on my tail, which I was able to confirm. Then, I went to the key places.

At least, that was the plan. Itachi Uchiha had a different plan, because he learned a new trick. Facial Solidification, or being tangible. It was more of a white mist that looked like a face than an in color copy of his face, but it was a new party trick to scare people.

I was dragged to Lee's place, which was a nice surprise, but I think Itachi was looking for his brother to mess with him. So instead he had us corral all of Lee's cats into one area. Lee was training when we were doing this, but when he came home for a short break he was confused by his cats behavior. He walked over to them to see what was wrong. Itachi waited for the perfect moment which was Lee bending over to see what had caught their attention (me). Lee stands back up, turns around, and sees the ghost face of Itachi.

I think he peed a little. Which in a body suit, is just the worst. Lee screamed, nearly went through his ceiling and all the cats scrambled.

We left Lee scrambling for answers as we went to the next target, a man is his late twenties. He was a shinobi, and apparently was an ex-ANBU with Itachi. He was a bit of a joker from Itachi's comments, so he would try to lighten the mood of the ANBU headquarters with small pranks and jokes that Itachi, as the youngest, was often the butt of.

He got his revenge. Who expects a face in their soup?

After this, I had to help out Itachi for the rest of the day recovering. Since as we found out, physical manifestation takes a lot out of you. I don't plan on using it if I get the ability.

However, if Uzumaki misses Hinata's advances again...

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	27. The New Prime Directive

So, where have I been? Working. My new job schedule has kicked my ass since it is mostly at night, and I have run into a bit of a creative black hole on this and my other stories. However, almost three weeks and I need to update. So you are getting not one, not two, but three updates for the price of one today! I hope you enjoy them.

December 6th-

I spent yesterday watching my teammates and friends while Anko continued the hunt for the next Mr. Suzuki Megano. It was relatively boring, but they are all still doing fine.

Today though, I met with Anko who discussed her findings. She went into great detail on what she had done to vet each of the possible prospects, which when broken down to the most basic truths were impromptu torture sessions to see if they would match my descriptions of the nurse and her perfect lover. At the end of the day, she had found what she believed to be an ideal candidate.

His name is Shimanu Nara, a 25 year old chunin who worked in the surveillance department of Konoha. He has a younger sister, a jounin named Fuen who is closer to my age that I vaguely remember from the Academy.

He was chronically single, and had aspirations for his future wife that tells me that the Nara clan is very one-note on their view of women.

'Average looks and body type, gentle, civilian, he wants one boy and one girl.' Who does that remind you of?

He had endured under Anko's session with the greatest of ease, and has opinions on life that seem to mesh well with Suzuki.

I agree with the idea of convincing them to hook-up. But how do we do that?

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	28. Neji is Secretly Dirty

December 7th-

While Anko and I contemplate getting Shimanu and Suzuki together, I have decided to take the day for myself to think in peace and enjoy Konoha.

I decided to go to the Academy, and see how the new generation of shinobi were doing. To look through their eyes and see this new world that they will be graduating into too.

I followed that up by going to the local cinema, and sitting in on a small comedy made in the Land of Fire capital. It was about a young shinobi falling in love with a beautiful noble girl with a dark past, and how he must fight her seven former lovers who have come together to ruin her future love life as the leader, a high ranking noble himself, wishes to have her back by his side. The young shinobi is not noble however, as he had a lover that he casted away for this noble girl. It ended with him learning the error of his ways and finding a new future with the noble girl. I really liked the film a lot.

I took a trip to the hot springs, where the vapors of the water had some effect on my form not too dissimilar to a real trip to the hot springs. I fully enjoyed both sides of the springs experience.

I went to my favorite restaurant, and tried my best to scrounge up a dish of herring soba to eat. It didn't work, but it is the effort that counts.

My night was cut short by seeing Shino's kikaichu, but enough time had passed so that I had formulated a plan in my head, a plan I hope Anko agrees with.

We simply need to get Suzuki to notice Shimanu and see he would be interested. With that, she would leave Gai for a more sane choice. Simple. Everyone will end up happy (or at least not in a miserable fate.)

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	29. It was Off a Building

December 9th-

Anko Mitarashi agreed with my plan of bringing the duo together, so today was our first attempt. Fortunately, Anko had an idea of how to do so.

Unfortunately, it involved injuring Shimanu. Badly.

I apologize for this Shimanu Nara.

He broke four bones in his right foot, tore a tendon in his ankle, and lost twenty eight percent of the skin on his left palm so that it wasn't worse. Anko did apologize profusely, she immediately saw she went overboard with the attempt.

Again, it is for the great good.

It did have the intended effect. Suzuki was working, and was tasked with helping taking care of the unlucky Nara. However, the worst thing happened for us.

Total apathy.

Shimanu was fuming from his injuries, and Suzuki was focused on her work. There was no bedside banter, and thus no shot of them forming a bond. At least he has to stay in the hospital a bit longer, perhaps it will give them a better chance.

However, I did end up seeing something that helped grow my resolve. Gai popped in on Suzuki during one of his check-ups at the hospital, and he tried to be romantic. And hopefully, sensei will find someone who he actually could be in love with. But again, it just wasn't there between them.

Here's hoping to a better tomorrow for everybody.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


	30. My Lazy Apology (BDNS & Neji)

December 22nd-

I apologize for the long delay between postings. I unexpectedly got busy with my work and other things, so I forgot to actually write down what was going on. This one is entirely on me.

So, I will recap the events of the last few weeks, and hopefully we can start afresh.

First off, I had a short conversation with Shino. To my worst estimations, he determined that the ghostly figure haunting Team 8 and Naruto was me. We eventually agreed upon terms of what to do for peace between us, and that he would ignore that I existed. We both agreed that it would only hurt my loved ones more if they knew I was so close, yet so far away. The blackmail I have over him over his suprising affections towards a certain woman who could see me, I must admit, had something to do with it.

In regards to Anko, we have given up the efforts on using Shimanu Nara. Boiling water was used to double down on getting Suzuki to turn her attentions to him, but we failed completely. For his sake, I called off the assault. Anko attempted to suggest a second individual, but it turns out he was gay. She isn't being very useful at the moment, but I am stuck with her.

Mama Senju is now in the middle of haunting an older Inuzuka man who flirted with Tsunade. Though it is obvious she isn't interested, I think she wants grandchildren.

Itachi has found a calling for the moment as a ghost. He is acting as a spy hunter, catching all the subversive forces hidden within Konoha. He has caught a hidden Yakuza agent in Konoha's medical department (a shocker) and a rogue Iwa agent. Well, we caught the rogue Iwa agent. I may write the full story out on another day.

Tenten and Lee have been out on missions, so I haven't had any run-ins with them.

Lady Hinata is learning knitting. I wonder why?

Finally, Gai and Suzuki are still going strong. I'm honestly at a loss for words at how this farce continues. Can nobody see that this is fake? That they are using each other?

Am I the only sane one who sees the truth?

Sincerely,

The Overdue Ghost Neji Hyuga


	31. Where the star has 4 legs

December 23rd-

There isn't much to tell you about today. Except for what happened to Itachi.

The cat, I mean. The one officially known as Rock Lee the 3rd.

Today, he decided to wander away from Rock Lee's apartment and explore the city. I, having nothing to do today, decided to follow it.

Apparently cats live adventurous lives. Itachi the cat apparently has a feud with two of the Hanamaru triplets, Kiba's sisters canine companion. Only two of them however, as he is best friends with the last one. That might be what the feud is over, actually. Catachi (I just thought of that myself) tried to hang out with his friend, but his brothers ran him off. Or tried to at least. He did run away, but not before making the dogs angry by 'marking' his territory.

I had assumed Lee would spay his pets.

He then ran into Tora, who was running away yet again. Catachi decided to help Tora escape the team by acting as a decoy. The cat is obviously more intelligent than I gave it for.

It then went to a takoyaki stand and managed to get a few pieces of octopus from the owner before trying to sneak into ANBU headquarters.

Trying being the operative word.

For Lee's sake, the ANBU didn't kill Catachi, but did scare the hell out of him. He hauled ass away from ANBU headquarters, which I can only assume was luring him by the all you can eat pork bun day that was going on, and right into a passing by Sasuke's arms. Well, arm.

Sasuke was rather delighted to see him, and quickly got out of sight before giving the cat the belly rub to end all belly rubs. I laughed.

After Sasuke snuck away from the evidence of his humanity, Catachi got into a fight with a random stray cat, won, and made it back home in time for Lee to return from training.

Smart cat.

Signed,

The Great Ghost Neji Hyuga


End file.
